Phobias and favorites


My daughter’s preschool recently had the kids do an “All About Mom” questionnaire, and her answers were every bit as epic as I could have hoped they’d be.

Apparently, my 3- (and a half) year-old baby girl thinks Mommy weighs 5 pounds, is 5 years old, and she loves me because I like to eat apples. While those are all true (wink, wink), it got me thinking that it might be fun to share some little-known tidbits about myself with you … so here goes!

I’m afraid of puppets.

I know this is pretty odd, but, none the less, very true. I’m not sure if I was born this way or if it’s a fear that developed early in life. However, I have vivid memories of a small 5- or 6-year-old version of myself watching Sesame Street with a squinty-sideways glance and inwardly cringing, “Please end, please end, please end!”

The absolute worst offenders have always been, and will always be the Muppets. The Muppets scare the ever-loving bejesus out of me, and there’s just no getting over it. My oldest son is well aware of my neurosis and, if they happen to come on TV, he quickly yells “Mommy! It’s puppets – don’t’ look at it!” Honestly, I’m thankful for the heads-up.

I'm not so secretly OCD about keeping the pillows on my sofa straight.

Some people try to hide the fact that they have an inner desire (nay a need) to keep pillows in their upright positions, but, I own it. Truthfully, I’d love to have my house be “show ready” every minute, of every day, but with three kids and two dogs, that’s highly unlikely. Since I can’t keep everything neat and tidy around the casa, I turn to the couch. Every night before bed I do my little shiatsu massage/pillow karate-chop technique to fluff the cushions, and there they happily remain … until about 7:18 a.m. the next morning.

My favorite comedian is Brian Regan.

If you haven’t heard of Brian Regan, PLEASE do yourself a favor and go download his first album “Brian Regan Live” (from 1997). This routine is more than 20 years old but still relevant and hilarious. It’s good, clean, laugh-out-loud humor, and I’ve been hooked ever since I first heard it in college. His “You too and stuff” bit is so relatable, and I end up crying laughing every time.

Cooking is not my favorite.

We’re a family of five (FIVE!), but I don’t cook. OK, I cook a little. Breakfast gets made, lunches are assembled, snacks are available but when it comes to breaking out the pots and pans to cook dinner, I fall a little flat. I mean, if I’m not careful my poor children are going to think that cooking means Daddy frantically runs out to Pei Wei or Whole Foods at 5:45 p.m. to forage and provide sustenance for his young.

My all-time favorite song is “Walk Like a Man” by Frankie Valli.

Growing up, my Dad and I went to old car shows a lot, so I was more familiar with The Beach Boys, Bobby Darin and, of course, Frankie Valli than the average middle-schooler. When I was in fourth grade, my school was having a talent show, and 10-year-old Jordan was NOT afraid to get up on stage in front of a few hundred people. When it came to picking a song to lip sing, it was a no-brainer. The lights went up; the music came on, and I was into it! Since then I have remained an uber-fan and seen Mr. Valli in concert twice … one time I even got to touch his hand!

So there you have it. I'm a puppet-hating, 1960s jamming, non-cooking, comedy-loving, OCD 35-year-old ... and I'm not afraid to show it!

Jordan Schupbach is a mother of three living in the Houston area. She blogs at - sharing the good, the bad and the frenzied.


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